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| Sex and The
Hot Mom - Sex Prep 101 Post on Hot Mom's Club Web Site  My friend,
Bethany (a far-from-desperate single mom) signed up to meet men on
Match.com. Beautiful, slender, smart, successful, and funny, it only
took her two horrific blind dates with horny toads before she met Prince
Joe. Joe was an athletic, handsome professional who doted upon her, and
her four-year-old daughter. Bethany wouldn’t admit to me just how taken she was with Joe in the beginning, but she didn’t need to. She got hair extensions and started going to grueling Spinning classes with me. She gave up shaving for a Brazilian bikini wax, had micro-dermabrasion, started getting weekly Mystic Tans and suddenly wreaked of perfume. She had her teeth bleached, and even mused about having liposuction. And, all this was all before sex! It dawned on me that I had never seen anyone go through so much preparation to get laid. The sex must have been great… because after four short and sexy months, Joe asked Bethany to marry him! Being newly footloose-and-fancy-free myself, I decided to rev up my own sex appeal motor by adding some high-octane fuel to my fire. In my quest to prepare for sex, here is what I discovered: LaserHair Removal: ($700) Six to eight treatments will permanently remove unwanted hair anywhere you want. You have put on goggles, apply numbing cream ($45), and focus your mind on the results and not the idea of lasers deforesting your topography. I did my armpits, bikini area, and let the laser dance where the sun don’t shine, if you know what I mean. My armpits hurt like hell. My bikini area stung, but no more than waxing, and it’s less invasive because no one is actually touching you “down there”. Still, beware if you have sensitive skin, like me. After the first treatment, my bikini area swelled up so much that I didn’t recognize it as my own, and itched like Poison Ivy for a week. I almost cancelled my next appointment, but I’d prepaid and didn’t want to be a wuss. So I went, but had the technician turn down the laser’s intensity. Yesterday I finished my third treatment. The truth is that it gets easier each time (as long as you have a little cortisone cream handy!) No hair has grown back since the first treatment, so it’s definitely worth it in the long run to never worry again about in-gown hairs or embarrassing butt waxes! www.GR8SKIN.com Facial Rejuvenation: ($275) This is fabulous. It is micro-dermabrasion combined with glycolic acid, oxygen, traditional extractions and soothing masks. Do this monthly and you can say goodbye to acne and fine lines! These are true miracle facials. Karen Factor, R.N. has done my skin for nine years. Without her I would die (or at least think I look like death!) Karen assisted for plastic surgeons before starting her own business, and is a wealth of information on the subject. Karen also does permanent cosmetics. She will even tattoo your nipples after breast surgery! (310) 276-2005 Dermosonic Cellulite Reduction: ($1400) Women have been fighting an all-out war against cellulite for ages and losing the battle. I fell upon Dermosonic at a charity event where I bid in a silent auction against many other hopeful women with orange peel asses and won. While this treatment isn’t permanent, it is effective. After each treatment, I made my girlfriends check out at my naked butt cheeks. After one session, there was improvement. After eight, my girlfriends exclaimed, “Wow! It’s as smooth as your baby’s!” I loved the comparison. www.PERAMORE.com Core Fusion Class: ($20) I tried this class because I had heard that it makes your booty really high and tight. It is a Pilates-based class that fuses yoga and orthopedic stretching to produce long, lean muscles. Yoga and every other workout that didn’t have me huffing, puffing and pumping to loud music always bored me, so I was a bit reluctant about Core Fusion when I walked into Exhale Spa in Santa Monica, CA. I was greeted by a lovely staff and given a tour of the healing waters sanctuary. I loved the new age atmosphere. My Core Fusion instructor, Jennifer, was so very attentive, supportive and positive…I practically didn’t want to stop the burn! I’m sure that my bottom would rise three inches if I did this class three times a week! My only issue is that there isn’t a rejuvenating and effective facility in my neighborhood like this. To see if you are near an Exhale Spa location go to www.ExhaleSpa.com Hired a Nanny Who Could Spend The Night: ($10 hr.) Still haven’t needed her! Water Softener System: ($2,000.00) I had my city water softened with minerals and salts. Now my hair is shinier, and my skin more slippery. Am I toned enough and smooth enough and soft enough for sex yet? Yes, but I’m not tan… yet www.RayneWater.com Magic Tan Tanning Bed: ($65 for 12 minutes) Since this ridiculously expensive experience is all UVA rays and supposedly non-damaging to my skin, I plunked down my Visa and put it to the test. I was climbing into an inferno. My hipbones felt like they were up on fire… for the wrong reasons. The overly enthusiastic attendant informed me that after frying in this machine three times the first week, I wouldn’t need it for another three weeks or so. I have followed the plan, but I don’t see the results. To be fair, I am fair skinned, and don’t tan easily. Still, I don’t recommend Magic Tan. www.LeBeachClubTanning.com Vaginal Rejuvenation: ($3,000 and up) If you’re interested in surgically changing your pubic pout, just Google Vaginal Rejuvenation. Frankly I get a little queasy writing about this so you’re on your own with this one. If any brave souls have had this done, please write in and let the rest of us know all about it! Carrie Stevens |